LET IT RAIN

What do you call that feeling when you are about to leave your house for an important work and it starts raining heavily. Say it . Irritating right ? All again you undress into homely wear and keep the assorted things you planned to take with you in their right places and all you can do is wait... Wait till it's dry again.

Same happens with me... With a feeling that I have been born with a cursed luck , I curse myself for planning for the job wrongly when literally it's just the nature to be blamed. I look through the windows to estimate the intensity of the rain and possibility of my going out and then finally lying back in despair. The work has to be postponed and it's a tough job to reschedule as other things get affected to.. and what if it rains again the next day..

It feels me with irritation and I start wishing that why it never rains when I had nothing to do.. It rains only when I have some work.

But then I feel how often do I watch the rains even when I was in home. So today I thought there was nothing better to do right at this moment. The streets filled with water , the trees looked greener, the sky changed it's vibrance. The small kids returning from their schools had no irritation like me.. They stamped on the water playfully , fully drenched and without caring about their wet bags and books busy kick spraying water on their fellowmates. They should be pissed off after so long hours of school but shockingly they were not. Then why is it me nagging without even being wet by a single drop. Why didn't I feel the same like those kids. What has changed me ?

I asked these questions to myself and seeked for answers. I see many people enjoying rain special dishes and pakoras.. I see them making plans even in this weather. I see people getting romantic , I see people getting nostalgic.

I have gone through all of this in the past , still today why did I feel irritated ? I asked myself and seeked an answer. What has changed me ?

It was raining cats and dogs... I opened the windows to hear that amazing sound of rains thrashing the streets. I said to myself those amazing three words.. LET IT RAIN..

GOOD BYES

I really have mixed feelings when I hear the word good bye . It has an optimistic side that we might meet again in some way or the other . Maybe it will be planned or maybe just like that at some place at some phase of life . Normally it brings a smile while parting apart relishing the memories of the time spent together hoping to relive that back soon.
Sometimes an inert hole gulps the mind not knowing about the possibilities.
If you ask me I have a certain negative lookout when I hear the word good bye. I hold on to the bitter part of it. Parting apart from the ones who brought happiness always makes me uncomfortable. The fear of losing or last chance to say the things that you could never say.
Sometimes we plan so much. We memorize every thing we want to say , we plan things we want to do. But can we carry them out always as we planned ? There are so many uncertainties in life and I hate that the most. The haphazard thoughts come into mind about the uncertainties and the possibility of the situation that we might not meet again.
GOOD BYE is not for me. It throws me into an utter darkness. That is the reason ,  I , quite unconsciously never use that word. The ones I love ,  I love them for my life.

I know sometimes holding on can bring you pain and that's the reason that GOOD BYES are quite necessary.

Just never forget to tell the person that how much you care and love that person. Tell that we will meet again for sure.  

The post is linked to
3 WORD WEDNESDAY

NOTE : Its a final tribute to 3 word wednesday. Will miss you a lot . Just have the hope for your comeback. As I said good byes are never easy for me.

Sea Side

Sitting by the rocks , I would only think about the energy the waves show by crashing onto the rocks , moving away broken apart and then getting reunited and acclaiming a force again to come to the shore with the almost equal strength. And this goes on. It keeps roaring and crashing but it never stops.
Then why do we people , the part of the same nature give up on life ? Why can't we fight back with the same strength till we live ? Why do we die long before our souls actually leave our body.

Sometimes we just have to let things go.

There is a saying that the sea never takes away anything. It gives back whatever it takes.

I am still waiting......

This post is linked to Friday Fictioneers & #FridayReflections



PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Remembrance

Metro railway certainly has made the travelling fast but each station has its own stories. The gate opens, the electronic lady voice declares the name of the station , the writing of the name in the station itself in very old familiar font playbacks the memories of each one. I don't know how many people have ever thought of this or are connected with almost all stations in some way or the other. Certainly few are such which have a lot of memories bonded with the name itself.
On one such rainy day , I had been travelling in the metro almost late evening. I had to go for a training and stay in the north Kolkata for 2 days. The known facts about the metros and its repetitions make me more and more confident about this conveyance. For example people rushing out of the metro as soon as the gate opens and running towards the outward gate without even knowing actually why they are saving few minutes of their life when they actually don't know where they will end up. The people rushing in without even caring for the probability of lesser than 10 percent chance to sit and that too when they know they will arrive in the next 15 minutes. More to that they rush in without even caring for the people to get down at the first place as if each and every person is important only to themselves.

On that heavy rainy day people entering in their wet clothes and shoes easily told me how much it was raining , outside every station. It was not the same everywhere, so I wished it does not rain so much at my destination. Having said that , I also felt that the same wish had been done by so many people inside the metro , already drenched waiting to be drenched more. Its a difficult task for the almighty sometime.  Its not that I don't like rain but I feel it rains only when I am not prepared to enjoy it. Or maybe I am one of those who is unknowingly running , not ready to stop and feel. I don't know. Nobody told me that.

With the opening of the gate at every station and by reading the name I could sense silence inside me despite the busy vehicle and the people making fuss about that stupid rain although some joyous couples seemed to enjoy preety much. Why did my brain had to be so smart to play the slideshows of the memories automatically ?

Many happy go lucky people play games in the mobile phones and tablets and many shut off the noises with their headphones on but my favourite activity is to watch people and guess about their life. Kind of cheap maybe but yeah its true. I like observing and reading people. But that day I was more busy reading myself.

As the stations were crossing by and I was near to my destination I could feel my heart beat then. The greatest memories were connected to my destination. I was a frequent visitor of that station once upon a time and after so many months I was visiting it once again but the purpose was different now. I would not have chose to come if I had some choice. Its not that I did not like it anymore , but the memories make me numb , I can feel my pulse yet an inertness acts in me.

I reached finally. It was raining heavily outside. I was standing at the main gate , waiting for it to slow down a bit. I din't expect it to stop. My eyes were busy looking for the bus that goes to my training centre but it would not be honest if I tell that I did not look around in the footpaths or the close by shops to search someone who was the reason for all those memories. A part of me wanted to get a bus as soon as possible and another part wanted to step outside ,  stand in the forceful gust of wind and rain and get drenched with a hope that it washes away the pain  in the memories , it pacifies my heartbeat and it removes my inertness. A glimpse of the ' reason of all this '  would not cause any turbulence in me - that is all what I could wish.

The bus came and I was walking fast towards it. Just near the footsteps I felt that across the street I saw an umbrella and a familiar image of someone walking fast down the street. Just a glimpse , not very sure but strong enough to make me halt. The conductor waved his hand fast and wanted me to get in quickly. Ignorant of my life and busy in his own world I felt he did not have time for me to wait much. I could not see any more of what had stopped me. The umbrella just vanished in the rainy streets and running people. I got in the bus and conductor welcomed me with his irritated look as I have wasted his few seconds deciding to board the bus or not.

The bus moved on. I wish I could too.

This post is linked to 3 Word wednesday

Also linking it up with the theme of ABYSS by THEME THURSDAY

Never Again...

The abandoned boat was inside our college campus beside a deep pond. Pritam and I were best buddies , would go there in the evening after our classes see the other guys swim in the pond nearby before the canteen snacks time. We would sit for an hour or two discussing life . Although I have tried to be impartial in most of the matters , maybe I have made mistakes too.

Teacher's Day special

Although I got a separate blogspace to write about my college life - PARAMETERS ,
where I  have been writing the episodes involving my college friends who came in my life and the changed me completely.

Art of living

Several times I have asked myself , "Do I have anything in me ? Any Art that would amaze everyone  ?"

I used to do paintings when I was a kid ( have many certificates of merit) , learnt cricket for few years ,loved to act.

I used to sing and dance ( most of the times when I was alone ). I have a passion for drama (did a few stage shows). I used to love stories. I still do and also to write a few.

A breakfast to remember

Rivalry in the office had brought in problems of ego and hatred between the two best friends who were childhood buddies and had done everything together since their childhood , same school same college even joined the same company .

They decided to erase all harsh feelings and thereby agreed to make a new start by having a breakfast at their old memorable childhood spot , the rooftop dhaba.

Honoured I am !!

The house would look so old from outside yet it was beautiful. It was one of the most ancient house in the colony. Some say that after the lady died , her husband did not leave that house to move to somewhere else. He loved his wife more than anyone could. Not only he but also their only son. The lady was a painter , a great artist and known for her kindness.

Truth is not what you see

Source : A KOREAN YOUTUBE VIDEO

Could not resist writing down this story and share with all the people who had missed out on the video that had got numerous viewers. I don't know whether I can bring justice to the concept by writing it in my amateur style. I wanted to give you the link to it but I had lost it. Anyways this is how it goes.


The story is about a shopkeeper in KOREA ,

Celebrations

From the morning it had been raining a lot but it stopped after 4pm in the evening. Its good that it stopped as I had planned to go out for some shopping. There was something I was trying to recall but was unable to. Something I knew I was forgetting , something about the date . 28th Aug... I don't know what happened on that date but something is there about this date that kept me thinking over and over. Its a great pain , believe me when you try to recall something and your brain

The gift of RAKHI

Gifts are so special. It feels great when your loved ones gift you something on the special occasions or any auspicious day. There is so much love involved in these things that we really look forward to such days and even cherish our old memories. We look into those things and relive those moments again and again.
Today is Rakhi Utsav. A day when my sister and I cherish our great bonding and our love for each other gets a special enhancement. Every year we are celebrating it together if not I am out of my country due to my job.

The Torn pages of a Seaman's Diary - 1

I would like to dedicate this first post of the diary to all those who have a lot of questionnaire for us and have some wrong notions about our profession , also to those who think we are some kind of aliens or maybe out of our minds to choose this BORING profession. I dedicate this to those who feel pity for us and think our lives are screwed and also to those who think we are drunkards , characterless and don't value sentiments or understand the meaning of family and emotions.

Temptations

The basic instinct of need comes from what we see around. May be it is the common psychology of human brain. Sometimes we don't get attracted to things or people or don't feel the urge to achieve them until we see someone enjoying them.

As a Child !!

As a Child one enjoys life so much without the burden of anything on his/her shoulders. There is no tension of jobs , responsibilities towards family members , adjustments with spouse , no tensions or calculations of EMI's and bank loans.

Although as a Child one thinks that being old or young is much beneficial. There is no homework , no school , there is money and one can dominate and scold the younger ones.

The grass always looks greener on the opposite side.

The friends or schoolmates during childhood have a different approach replaced by professional rivalry in the older stages. There is shyness to express ourselves , lies and straight faces to resrve our feelings inside unlike that in the childhood when we would cry often in public.

This growing up is painful. It takes a long time to realise that we have suddenly grown up and our parents are no longer responsible for our deeds......

I am afraid of growing up more and facing the old age... Yes honestly I am. When I see my grandma ill and dependent just like the child would be dependent on his mom. I am afraid of getting old.

Sorry State !!

 

I had a very tiring day today. I went to Khidderpore hastings for booking my promotional exams related my job. The whole process of booking is quite lengthy although improved from the past. However , its far from where I live and on my way back home I was really tired. I board a bus that directly comes to my home stoppage.

It was not crowded and I have got a seat unlike when I went in the morning in the office hours. Hardly one gets to stand and it’s a terrible feeling with no other convenient and inexpensive options. On midway my attention was drawn by the the conversation of a poor lady with a new born baby in her hand and another girl child of about 6 yrs. The girl child had a school bag with her and the mother had a bigshopper bag full of her clothes and other belongings. She was alone without any other male member or other member of the family. Through her conversations I came to the conclusion that nobody in her family was bothered how she will manage with her bags and child and had left her alone to travel. Other ladies present were cursing her family members. The baby was crying out of hunger after few moments and she was all helpless as she was seating facing to the other passengers and could not breastfeed the baby. The conductor mockingly told her to feed the baby. I felt so disgraceful . Another lady offered her a window seat. After exchanging seats she fed the baby somehow. I wanted to help her with the luggage while boarding down the bus. However she got help from a couple as they got down at the same stoppage . They had helped her with the luggage.

It only strikes to me that so many people are living life like this. I don’t know what to comment , how to help or what to say. I only realised that my tiring feeling disappeared somewhere.

Promises and Commitments

Sometimes we make promises and fail to keep them. Its not that we dont try or do it purposely. Its just that the situations change , the circumstances change , the scenario differs.
May be when we promise someone something we ignore many factors or overlook them but when the real situation demands an action all the other factors clog our mind and our senses
starts thinking practically. Just an emotional sentiment won't be considered anymore. We fail to realise that we promised and the value of that commitment becomes much smaller
compared to the other factors signifying the present scenario. Some people commit when there is no necessity of that commitment or no one asked them to make a promise but when
they did they did it from the heart and the other person on the receiving end starts to believe and becomes a little dependent. Heartbreaks occur because of the difference in emotional
commitment and the change in thinking due to sudden practicality. Not only heartbreak but this leads to a terrible shock where the person loses the faith of trusting anyone else. Maybe
someone else would have deserved the trust but would not get that just because someone in the past broke the promise. I completely understand that heartbreaks , breakups happen for a reason
and that can't be avoided or stopped. Its better for two person to split than to compromise for all their life. I completely understand that circumstances changes the meaning of relationships a lot.
I completely understand that certain factors can't be ignored and we have to take decisions based on all the factors. I completely agree that priorities are different for different people.
I completely respect each and everybody's reaction or action , because every thinking has an origin and every thought has a count. A person knows the most whats the best for him and what is
his priority.
I just have a short and simple objection regarding commitments. I just think that when a person commits he should place himself in that zone and promise if he has to. And then follow it
word to word what he said. If he has priorities then that should be followed right from day 1 and his thoughts that change with time and situation should not impose pain on someone else's heart.
And most of all to keep it short one should commit to himself and not someone else if he has to.

What you want ....

Like you are taught to say your name when your are asked “ Beta what is your name ?” and also when you are asked “ which class you read in ?” you got to say the class you belong , the section along with it won’t be a matter of concern though. I was also taught to say “ Engineer” when someone would ask me that what I would be when I grew up. I never knew the meaning of engineer but could understand from the glowing eyes and a proud smile on my parents face when they heard my answer they had taught me to tell that it must be  very prestigious sort of a thing and you gotta do it to be in the league.

I only knew what I liked. But did it had any connection with the question that people asked and the recorded answer I gave. I used to close the doors and would do weird things like pillow fight  , assume characters in front of me some good and some bad and a heroine I saved would be perfect. I would stand in front of the mirror and make angry expressions for the imagined troubling characters before hitting them hard ( pillow fight starts ).

The more and more I grew I knew what I wanted to be. Many new characters have got added to my list and I would not only do actions scenes in front of the mirror but I would think of many circumstances and scenarios. Its not that I had to try something. It came automatically to me. I had the interests of watching people and notice their behavior – the way the talked , walked , laughed , criticized . When reading stories I could see them happening in front of my eyes . I could see every character , their dresses and expressions in particular. Was it a fault ? or some defect ? I don’t know.

In class 11 , I started doing mimicry . I copied a lot of voices. I was starting to get popular. I had interests in direction and wanted to learn more. I wanted to study films. My parents never approved of what I wanted. My father wanted to study science. He was good in academics and always stood first in the class. But he could not take science because of financial problems. My father played football. His name had even come in newspapers with pictures . He had to join office job because of the family need and therefore left playing as he did not get any facilities from football (there is poilitics in all fields as you know ).He used to tell me all this just goes in vain. What remains with you is your knowledge and degree. He wanted me to be academically strong.

I NEVER WANT MY CHILDREN TO BE ACTOR OR STUDY FILMS . I WON’T FORCE THEM TO BECOME WHAT I COULD NOT. I ONLY WANT THEM TO BECOME WHAT THEY WANT………………..

UNPREDICTABLE LIFE

Life can never be predicted( I am not talking about the astrologers, and I don't wanna get into that debate also). Life has many shades. It has many colours. You can't really decide which will suit you the best and if you can then you really can't bet on saving it for yourself. It may happen for your good or it may be bad. But change is the RULE OF LIFE.

The things and the events you plan from now are like the LIC POLICIES - subject to change and therefore think before investing. Sometimes even the unplanned incidents occur and struck you with unbelievable delight or distress. The steering of life is very sensitive and can change directions at any moment. But all I can say is that there is no point in holding it tight because few things are always unpredictable and when it occurs why it occurs one has no answers for it. You only have to enjoy and learn lessons from it.

Starting when its gonna END

Life had always showed me a way and finally sometimes I have realised that I can't follow and go through. Many a times I have felt that when there is an end life showed me a new light and whenever there is a new way there is a big rock blocking the entry. I am a person interested in many things , have loads of interests and passions. I feel like pursuing them and I have done that a lot but I am not really sure about my timing.

Another major problem with me is I can't continue a thing for long. I am too moody and my interests keep on changing. Its not that they end forever but it goes in a coma. They will come back but when that is unknown. I have started blogging long back but it had been a discontinuous process for me. I have made friends with similar interests and in the long run they have disappeared or rather I have.

I am trying to make a comeback again but this time the timing is wrong again. I would be joining a ship in a few days and may be this practice will again get discontinued and when I return after several months I don't know whether I would blog again or if I do then when I would do that is unknown to me.

I am the kind of river which doesn't know which way it would flow after a few hours. It flows with a definite speed but direction is uncertain. This is me and it will be like this I suppose. Kindly excuse this negative part of my character. Being an author of a little blog I feel its injustice to all my readers but I apologise sincerely from my heart...